Your adoption plan
Choose an adoption agency
Experiencing an unplanned pregnancy can be difficult enough if you are not physically, mentally, and financially ready to take on the responsibility of a child. If you have decided to place your baby for adoption, you will need the help of an adoption agency who can help you come up with an adoption plan and legalize everything. Keep reading to learn more about how to place a baby for adoption.
If you choose DeColores Adoptions, we will hold your hand each step of the way as you navigate this journey. We will answer all of your questions, help you make an adoption plan, get you set up with housing if you need it, financial assistance, medical assistance, and help you find the right family for your baby.
One common question we get from birth moms is, “How much does it cost to place my baby for adoption?” The answer is: All assistance you receive is provided to you at no charge.
Questions to ask:
The answers you get to these questions will help you decide whether or not you want to work with a particular adoption agency or not.
- What services do you provide to pregnant mothers – such as housing, medical, counseling?
- What financial assistance am I eligible for during and after my pregnancy?
- What options do I have? What’s my best option?
- How do you help birth mothers create adoption plans?
- What kinds of adoptions do you do?
- How will you help me find an adoptive family for my baby? Can I choose the family?
- How are your families screened and do they have home studies before they are eligible to adopt?
Here are some "red flags" to look for as you choose adoption professionals. If they do any of these things we recommend you look elsewhere.
- They pressure you to place your baby for adoption or make you decide immediately what to do.
- They make you pay for their services.
- They offer to pay you for your baby.
- They do not have an attorney involved in the adoption process.
- A family has not been found yet, and they say they will just keep the baby while they look for a family.
- You are unable to reach them and they do not respond to your calls or emails.
- They do not screen the adoptive families nor do they require home studies.
choose which type of
adoption you want to have
There are three different types of adoptions: Open, Semi-Open, and Closed. It’s up to you what kind of adoption you prefer to have. The type of adoption you choose will determine the level of communication you have with your baby down the road.
If you would prefer to keep in closer contact with your baby, an open adoption would be the way to go. If keeping in contact with the child down the road is not what makes you comfortable, a closed adoption would be better. For those in-between, there is semi-open adoptions which provide a mix of the two. DeColores Adoptions will help you find a family who is interested in the same type of adoption you wish to have.
The most common type of adoption in the United States, open adoption, allows you and the adoptive family to share information with each other such as names, phone numbers, and email addresses. With this type of adoption, birth mothers can correspond with the adoptive family via email, letters, photos, and phone calls. You can also have yearly visits in person with the family and see your child as they grow up.
With semi-open adoption, it is similar to open adoption in that names, phone numbers, and email addresses are shared, but the birth parents do not usually have any direct (in person) contact with the child. However, the adoptive parents are often willing to send photos, correspond via email, letters, and phone calls. If it is important to you to be able to know some things about your child as they grow, but not necessarily have contact, this is the way to go.
No identifying information is shared between the birth parents and adoptive families in a closed adoption. You still have the option to choose and meet the adoptive family before the birth of the baby. After the baby is placed with the adoptive family, you will have no communication with them or the child.
*This does not prevent them from finding you in the future if registered with a DNA Registry.
You don’t need to know the answers to all of these things right now. After some counseling, it will become clear to you what decision will be best for you and your baby. DeColores Adoptions will never pressure you to decide. We want what is best for you and your child.
Choose an adoptive family for your baby
The silver lining in all of this is knowing that you are helping fulfill the dream of growing someone’s family through the gift of adoption. This decision is not easy, nor is it fun, but it can help a lot as you navigate all the emotions you are experiencing. Choosing the family for your baby can be one of the most rewarding steps in this journey.
How to choose a family
Before you decide who you want to adopt your baby, we encourage you to consider these questions:
Does it matter to you what religious beliefs the family has?
What do they do for fun? Sports? Music? Hobbies?
Does the family lead a healthy, active lifestyle?
Do you prefer that the family live in a particular area?
What kinds of things does the family value most?
Does the family have other children? Plans to adopt/have more?
Do you prefer a two-parent family or open to single parent?
Does it matter to you if the parents work outside the home?
Does it matter to you if the couple is married or not?
"A Birth mother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart" - Skye Hardwick
Birthmom & Adoptive family communication
DeColores Adoptions can help you choose the family that fits the hopes and dreams you have for your child. Once you choose the family, we can facilitate your communication with them. It is important to establish up front what level of communication you are comfortable with before, during, and after the adoption.
Consider the following questions when you are deciding how you’d like to communicate with the adoptive family. Being open and honest with them about these things will help everyone be on the same page and the process to go smoothly.
During your pregnancy
- Are you comfortable with the adoptive family going to doctor’s visits with you?
- Will you send updates that you receive from the doctor’s visits to the adoptive family?
- Can they join you for the ultrasound?
- Do you prefer talking with them via text, email, social media, phone, or in person?
- How often would you like to communicate with them and how often do they want to cummunicate with you?
during & after the birth
- Who will notify the adoptive family that you are in labor?
- Who do you want to be in the delivery room with you?
- Will you have a say in naming the baby?
- After the baby is born, how long would you like to spend alone with your baby?
- Do you want to breast feed the baby while in the hospital? Would you like to provide breast milk by pumping?
- Pictures & Videos of birth?
After the adoption of baby
- How often would you like to receive updates and what kinds of updates would you like to have?
- Would you like to visit in-person? If so, how often?
- Would you like to give something to the family about yourself to be shared with the child later – such as photos, a letter, a video, etc.?
- Is there any medical history about you or your family you could provide to help the family in the future?
Design your birth plan
For a birthmother, the time in the hospital during and after delivery is one filled with difficult emotions and anxiety. If she has a plan in place ahead of time, it can minimize the stress of the delivery day.
If you’ve never given birth before, it’s difficult to know what you would or would not want at the time of delivery. Even if you have given birth before, it can be difficult to know exactly what you want to happen. Births are all so different and unexpected things happen even with the best of plans, however if you have a plan in place, it can help you prepare yourself mentally.
An added benefit to having a birth plan for yourself is that everyone else (doctors, nurses, your family, friends, and adoptive family), will have a better idea of what to expect as well. Mostly it is about your wishes as the birthmom. Everyone wants to be respectful of your feelings and wishes. The adoptive family, no doubt, knows that this is going to be an emotionally difficult day for you. They will, of course, want things to go as smoothly as possible for you. At the same time, they are so excited and happy to meet the new baby. You can imagine the flood of emotions going on that day.
Some things to consider about your delivery day
- Who do you want to be in the delivery room with you? If you want your family member/s to be in the room with you, then let that be known. If you are comfortable in letting the adoptive family be a part of this special moment, include that in your plan.
- If you want to hold your baby first before anyone else, make that known as well. You have the right to ask for this if you want to.
- You can spend time with your baby as much or as little is comfortable for you with or without the adoptive family present. The relationship you have established with the adoptive family ahead of time will most likely dictate your comfort level. If it’s an open or semi-open adoption, get to know them as much as you can ahead of time to make this day and the transition of adoption easier on you.
- Would you like to have videos/pictures taken of you with the baby? With the adoptive family? When would you like to take pictures?
- Will you want pain medication? An epidural is something that blocks pain from the waist down and wears off with some time. Keep in mind that sometimes there is not enough time to administer the epidural if labor has progressed beyond a certain point by the time you get to the hospital. If this is something you KNOW you want, discuss it with your OB/GYN ahead of time so that you can plan for it.
- There is always the possibility of a C-section. It’s important to mentally prepare yourself for this in case of an emergency.
- Everything is so much easier when you have a plan in place ahead of time. Open communication with the adoptive parents is crucial to making everything easier for you and for them.